The Vnfortunate Traveller, or The Life Of Jack Wilton Read online

  TO THE GENTLEMEN READERS,

  Gentlemen, in my absence (through the Printers ouersight and my badwriting) in the leaues of C. and D. these errours are ouerslipt:

  C. pag. 2. lin. 33. for sweating read sneaking. Pag. 3. li. 1. forhogges read barres, lin. 7. for Calipsus, read Rhaesus. Pag. 4. lin. 34.for Liue read I liue. Pag. 5. li. 14. for vpon his read vpon him his.Pag. 7. lin. 13. for drild read dyu'd. lin. 22. (for colour, read collarnor his hatband).

  D. Pag. 1. lin. 2. for blacke read cape. lin. 5. for fastens readthirleth. lin. 7. for badge read budge, lin. 8. for shinne read chinne.lin. 11. for in this begun read thinking in. Pag. 3. lin. 33. forincreased then read inclosed them. Pag. 5. lin. 8. for threed button,read brest like a thred bottom. Pag. 8. lin. 3. for Essa read Ossa. lin.4. for dissolution read desolation. lin. 13. betweene also, and but readIf you know Christianitie, you know the Fathers of the Church also. lin.18. for quocunque read qua gente.

  Other literall faults there are which I omit

  Yours T. N.

  [Note.--The foregoing corrigenda are printed as part of the originaledition, though they have been corrected in the text.]

  To Pages of the Covrt]

  THE INDVCTION TO THE DAPPER MOVNSIER PAGES OF THE COVRT.

  Gallant squires, haue amongst you: at mumchance I meane not, for so Imight chaunce come to short commons, but at _nouus, noua, nouum_, whichis in English, newes of the maker. A proper fellow Page of yours called_Iacke Wilton_, by mee commends him vnto you, and hath bequeathed forwast paper heere amongst you certaine pages of his misfortunes. In anycase keep them preciously as a _Priuie_ token of his good will towardsyou. If there be some better than other, he craues you would honor themin their death so much, as to drie and kindle _Tobacco_ with them: fora need he permits you to wrap veluet pantofles in them also, so they benot woe begone at the heeles, or weather-beaten like a blacke head withgraye haires, or mangie at the toes like an ape about the mouth. Butas you loue good fellowship and ames ace, rather turne them to stopmustard-pots, than the Grocers shuld haue one patch of them to wrap macein: a strong hot costly spice it is, which aboue all things hee hates.To anie vse about meate or drinke put them too and spare not, for theycannot doo their Countrey better seruice. Printers are madde whoresons,allow them some of them for napkins. lost a little nerer to the matterand the purpose. _Memorandum_, euerie one of you after the perusing ofthis Pamphlet, is to prouide him a case of ponyards, that if you come incompanie with any man which shall dispraise it or speake against it, youmay straight cry Sic respondeo, and giue him the stockado. It stands notwith your honors (I assure yee) to haue a Gentleman and a Page abusde inhis absence. Secondly, whereas you were wont to sweare men on a pantofleto bee true to your puissaunt order, you shall sweeare them on nothingbut this Chronicle of the King of Pages henceforward. Thirdly, it shalbelawfull for anie whatsoeuer to play with false dice in a corner on thecouer of this foresaid Acts and monuments. None of the fraternitie ofthe minorites shall refuse it for a pawne in the times of famine andnecessitie. Euery Stationers stall they passe by whether by day or bynight they shall put off their hats too, and make a low leg, in regardtheir grand printed Capitano is there entoombd. It shalbe flat treasonfor any of this forementioned catalogue of the point trussers, onceto name him within fortie foote of an ale-house. Marry the tauerneis honorable. Many speciall graue articles more had I to giue you incharge, which your wisdomes waiting together at the bottome of the greatChamber staires, or sitting in a porch (your parlament house) may betterconsider of than I can deliuer: onely let this suffice for a tast to thetext & a bit to pull on a good wit with, as a rasher on the coales isto pull on a cup of wine. Heigh passe, come aloft: euery man of you takeyour places, and heare _Iacke Wilton_ tell his owne tale.

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  THE VNFORTVNATE TRAVELLER.

  Abovt that time that the terror of the world, and feauer quartan ofthe French, _Henrie_ the eight, (the onely true subiect of Chronicles)aduanced his standard against the two hundred and fiftie towers of_Turney_ and _Turwin_, and had the Empereur and all the nobility ofFlanders, Holland, and Brabant as mercenarie attendants on his fulsailedfortune, I _Jacke Wilton_ (a Gentleman at lest) was a certaine kinde ofan appendix or page, belonging or appertaining in or vnto the confinesof the English court, where what my credit was, a number of my creditorsthat I coosned can testifie, _Caelum petimus stultitia_, which of vs allis not a sinner. Be it knowen to as many as will paie monie inough toperuse my storie, that I followed the campe or the court, or the court &the camp, when _Turwin_ lost her maidenhead, & opened her gates to morethan _Iane Trosse_ did. There did I (soft let me drinke before I goeanie further) raigne sole king of the cans and black iackes, princeof the pigmeis, countie paltaine of cleane strawe and prouant, and toconclude, Lord high regent of rashers of the coles and red herring cobs._Paulo maiora canamus_: well, to the purpose. What stratagemicall actesand monuments do you thinke an ingenious infant of my age might enact?you will saie, it were sufficient if he slurre a die, pawne his masterto the vtmost pennie, & minister the oath on the pantoffle arteficially.These are signes of good education, I must confesse, and arguments ofIn grace and vertue to proceed. Oh but _Aliquid latet quod non patet_,theres a farther path I must trace: examples confirme, list Lordingsto my proceedinges. Whosoeuer is acquainted with the state of a campe,vnderstands that in it be many quarters, & yet not so many as on Londonbridge. In those quarters are many companies: Much companie, muchknauerie, as true as that olde adage, Much curtesie, much subtiltie.Those companies, like a great deale of corne, doe yeeld some chaffe, thecorne are cormorants, the chaffe are good fellowes, which are quicklyblowen to nothing, with bearing a light hart in a light purse. Amongstthis chaffe was I winnowing my wits to liue merily, and by my troth so Idid: the prince could but command men spend theyr bloud in his seruice,I coulde make them spend all the monie they had for my pleasure. Butpouerty in the end parts frends, though I was prince of their purses,and exacted of my vnthrift subiects, as much liquid allegeance as aniekeisar in the world could do, yet where it is not to be had the kingmust loose his right, want cannot be withstood, men can doe no more thanthey can doe, what remained then, but the foxes case must help, when thelions skin is out at the elbowes.

  There was a Lord in the campe, let him be a Lord of misrule, if you wil,for he kept a plaine alehouse without welt or gard of anie Iuibush, andsolde syder and cheese by pint and by pound to all that came (at thatverie name of syder, I can but sigh, there is so much of it in renishwine now a dayes). Wei, _Tendit ad sydera virtus_, thers great vertuebelongs (I can tell you) to a cup of syder, and verie good men hauesolde it, and at sea it is _Aqua colestis_, but thats neither heerenor there, if it had no other patrone but this peere of quart pots toauthorize it, it were sufficient This great Lorde, this worthie Lord,this noble Lord, thought no scorne (Lord haue mercy vpon vs) to haue hisgreat veluet breeches larded with the droppings of this daintie liquor,& yet he was an olde senator, a cauelier of an ancient house, as itmight appeare by the armes of his ancestrie, drawen very amiably inchalke, on the in side of his tent doore.

  He and no other was the man, I chose out to damne with a lewd monylessedeuice: for comming to him on a daie, as he was counting his barrels, &setting the price in chalke on the head of euerie one of them, I did mydutie verie deuoutly, and tolde his _alie_ honor, I had matters ofsome secrecie to impart vnto him, if it pleased him to grant me priuateaudience. With me young _Wilton_ quoth he, marie and shalt: bring vs apint of syder of a fresh tap into the three cups here, wash the pot, sointo a backe roome he lead mee, where after hee had spit on his finger,and pickt off two or three moats of his olde moth eaten veluet cap, andspunged and wrong all the rumatike driuell from his ill fauoured Goatesbeard, he badde me declare my minde, and there vpon he dranke to me onthe same. I vp with a long circumstance, alias, a cunning shift of theseuenteenes, & discourst vnto him what entire affection I had borne himtime out of mind, partly for the high discent and linage from whenceh
e sprung, & partly for the tender care and prouident respect he had ofpoore soldiers, that whereas the vastitie of that place (which affordedthem no indifferent supplie of drinke or of victuals) might humble themto some extremity, and so weaken their hands, he vouchsafed in his ownperson to be a victualer to the campe (a rare example of magnificence &honorable curtesie) and diligently prouided, that without farre trauel,euery man might for his money haue syder and cheese his bellyfull, nordid he sell his cheese by the way onely, or his syder by the great, butabast himselfe with his owne hands, to take a shoomakers knife (a homelyinstrument for such a high personage to touch) and cut it out equallylike a true iusticiarie, in little pennyworthes, that it woulde doo aman good for to looke vpon. So likewise of his syder, the pore man mighthaue his moderate draught of it (as there is a moderation in all things)as well for his doit or his dandiprat, as the rich man for his halfesouse or his denier. Not so much, quoth I, but this tapsters linnenapron, which you weare before you,