The Vnfortunate Traveller, or The Life Of Jack Wilton Page 10

deriued from the common word _Qui passa_, and the heraldsphrase of armes Passant, thinking in sincerity, hee was not a Gentleman,nor his armes currant, who was not first past by the pages. If anieprentise or other came into the court that was not a Gentleman, Ithought it was an indignitie to the preheminence of the court to includesuch a one, and could not be salud except we gaue him armes Passant, tomake him a Gentleman. Besides, in Spaine, none compasse anie farre waiebut he must be examined what he is, & giue three pence for his passe. Inwhich regard it was considered of by the common table of the cupbearers,what a perilsome thing it was to let anie stranger or outdweller approchso neere the precincts of the Prince, as the great chamber, withoutexamining what he was and giuing him his passe, wherevppon weestablished the lyke order, but tooke no monie of them as they did,onelie for a signe that he had not past our hands vnexamined, wee set ared marke on either of his eares, and so let him walke as authenticall.I must not discouer what vngodly dealing we had with the blacke iackes,or how oft I was crowned king of the dronkards with a court cuppe, letmee quietly descend to the waining of my youthfull dayes, and tell alittle of the sweating sicknesse, that made me in a cold sweate take myheeles and runne out of England.

  This sweating sicknesse, was a disease that a man then might catch andneuer goe to a hothouse. Many masters desire to haue such semants aswould worke till they sweate againe, but in those dayes he that sweatneuer wrought againe. That Scripture then was not thought so necessarie,which sayes, Earne thy liuing with the sweat of thy browes, for thenthey earnd their dying with the sweat of their browes. It was inoughif a fat man did but trusse his points, to turne him ouer the pearch:mother _Cornelius_ tub why it was lyke hell, he that came into it neuercame out of it Cookes that stande continually basting theirfaces beforethe fire, were nowe all cashierd with this sweat into kitchinstuffe:theyr hall fell in to the kings handes for want of one of the trade tovpholde it. Feltmakers and furriers, what the one with the hot steame oftheir wooll new taken out of the pan, and the other with the contagiousheate of their slaughter budge and connyskins, died more thicke than ofthe pestilence: I haue seene an olde woman at that season hauing threechins, wipe them all away one after another, as they melted to water,and left her selfe nothing of a mouth but an vpper chap. Looke how inMay or the heat of Summer we lay butter in water for feare it shuldmelte awaie, so then were men faine to wet their clothes in water asDiers doo, and hide themselues in welles from the heate of the Sunne.

  Then happie was he that was an asse, for nothing wyll kill an assebut colde, and none dide but with extreame heate. The fishes calledSeastarres, that burne one another by excessiue heate, were not socontagious as one man that had the sweate was to another. Masons paidnothing for haire to mix their lime, nor giouers to stuffe their ballswith, for then they had it for nothing, it dropt off mens heads andbeardes faster than anie Barber could shaue it. O if haire breeches hadthen beene in fashion, what a fine world had it beene for Taylers, andso it was a fine world for Tailers neuerthelesse, for hee that couldmake a garment sleightest and thinnest, carried it awaie. Cutters Ican tell you, then stood vpon it, to haue their trade one of the twelueCompanies, for who was it then that would not haue his doublet cut tothe skin, and his shirt cut into it to, to make it more colde. It wasas much as a mans life was worth, once to name a freeze ierken, it wastreason for a fat grosse man to come within fiue miles of the court,I heard where they dide vp all in one family, and not a mothers childeescapt, insomuch as they had but an Irish rug lockt vp in a presse,and not laide vpon anie bedde neither, if those that were sicke ofthis maladie slept on it, they neuer wakt more. Phisitions with theirsimples, in this case were simple fellowes, and knew not which way tobestir them. Galen might goe shop the gander for anie good he could doe,his secretatyes had so long called him diuine, that now he had lost allhis vertue vpon earth. _Hippocrates_ might well helpe Almanack makers,but here he had not a worde to saie, a man might sooner catch the sweatewith plodding ouer him to no end, than cure the sweat with any of hisimpotent principles. _Paracelsus_ with his spirit of the butterie, andhis spirits of minerals, could not so much as say, God amend him, to thematter. _Plus erat in artifice quant arte_, there was more infection inthe phisition himselfe than his arte could cure. This mortalitie firstbegan amongst olde men, for they taking a pride to haue their breastsloose basted with tedious beards, kept their houses so hot with thesehairy excrements, that not so much but their very wals sweat out saltPeter, with the smoothering perplexitie, nay a number of them hadmeruailous hot breaths, which sticking in the briers of their bushiebeardes, could not choose, but (as close aire long imprisoned) engendercorruption. Wiser was our brother _Bankes_ of these latter dais, whomade his iugling horse a cut, for feare if at anie time hee shouldfoist, the stinke sticking in his thicke bushie taile might be noisometo his auditors. Should I tell you how many purseuants with red noses,and sargeants with precious faces shrunke away in this sweat, you wouldnot beleeve me. Euen as the Salamander with his very sight blastethapples on the trees, so a purseuant or a sargeant at this present, withthe verie reflexe of his fine facias, was able to spoile a man a farreof. In some places of the world there is no shadow of the sunne, _Diebusillis_ if it had bene so in England, the generation of _Brute_ had diedall and some. To knit vp this description in a pursuat, so feruentand scorching was the burning aire which inclosed them, that the mostblessed man then aliue, would haue thoght that God had done fairely byhim, if he had turnde him to a goat, for goates take breath not at themouth or nose only, but at y eares also.

  Take breath how they would, I vowd to tarrie no longer amongst them. Asat Turwin I was a demie souldier in iest, so now I became a martiallistin earnest. Ouer sea with my implements I got me, where hearing the kingof France and the Swizers were together by the ears, I made towards themas fast as I could, thinking to thrust my selfe into that faction thatwas strongest It was my good lucke or my ill, I know not which, to comeiust to ye fighting of the battel, where I sawe a wonderfull spectacleof bloud shed on both sides, here the vnwildie swizers wallowingin their gore, like an oxe in his doung, there the sprightly Frenchsprawling and turning on the stayned grasse, like a roach newe taken outof the streame, all the ground was strewed as thicke with battle axes,as the carpenters yard with chips. The plaine appeared like a quagmire,ouerspread as it was with trampled dead bodies. In one place might youbeholde a heape of dead murthered men ouerwhelmed with a falling steed,in stead of a tombe stone, in another place a bundle of bodies fetteredtogether in theyr owne bowels, and as the tyrant Romane Empereurs vsedto tie condemned liuing caitifes face to face to dead corses, so werethe halfe liuing here mixt with squeazed carcases long putrifide. Anieman might giue armes that was an actor in that battell, for there weremore armes and legs scattered in the field that daie, than will begathered vp till dooms daie, the French king himselfe in this conflictwas much distressed, the braines of his owne men sprinkled in his face,thrice was his courser slaine vnder him, and thrice was hee strucke onthe breast with a speare, but in the end, by the helpe of the Venetians,the Heluesians or Swizers were subdude, and he crowned victor, a peaceconcluded, and the cittie of Millain surrendered vnto him, as a pledgeof reconciliation. That warre thus blowen ouer, and the seueral bandsdissolued, like a crow that still followes aloofe where there iscarrion, I flew me ouer to Munster in Germanie, which an Anabaptisticallbrother named _Iohn Leiden_ kepte at that instant against the Emperorand the Duke of Saxonie. Here I was in good hope to set vp my staffe forsome reasonable time, deeming that no Citie would driue it to asiege except they were able to holde out, and pretily well had theseMunsterians held out, for they kept the Emperour and the Duke of Saxoniesound plaie for the space of a yeere, and longer wold haue done, butthat dame famine came amongst them, wherevppon they were forst bymessengers to agree vpon a daie of fight, when according to theyranabaptisticall errour they might be all new christned in theyr ownebloud.

  That daie come, flourishing entered _lohn Leiden_ the botcher into thefield, with a scarfe made of lists, like a bowcase
, a crosse on hisbrest like a thred bottom, a round twilted Tailers cushion buckled lykea tancard bearers deuice to his shoulders for a target, the pike whereofwas a packe needle, a tough prentises club for his speare, a greatbrewers cow on his back for a corslet, and on his head for a helmeta huge high shoo with the bottome turnd vpward, embossed as full ofhobnailes as euer it might sticke, his men were all base handie craftes,as coblers, and curriers, and tinkers, whereof some had barres of yron,some hatchets, some coole staues, some dung forks, some spades, somemattockes, some wood kniues, some addsses for theyr weapons, he that wasbest prouided, had but a peece of a rustie browne bill brauely fringedwith cobwebbes to fight for him: perchance here and there you might seea felow that had a canker eaten seul on his head, which serued him andhis ancestors for a chamber pot two hundred yeeres, and another that hadbent a couple of yron dripping pans armourwise, to fence his backeand his belly, another that had